I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
