we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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