You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
