I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
