I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
