so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
