the condom got lost in my hair
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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