we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
