But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
