I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
