the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
