Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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