this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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