We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
