Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
