even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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