i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
