at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
