we're chasing vodka with high fives
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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