So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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