i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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