I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i think i just lost a toe
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
