i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
