about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
