I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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