That's when you crack a 10am beer
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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