it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
