I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
