I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
