The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
