I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
