omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
