1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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