i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
