Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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