what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
