I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
