I got chris browned last night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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