I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
