sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
