Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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