If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
