it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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