census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
