and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
