I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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