Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
