Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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