At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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