The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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