I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
