okay pat passed out under dana's car
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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