were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
