Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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