He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
