When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
that may or may not have been my penis.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
