I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
