He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
