it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
