Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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