Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
