Your tits are I can't wait for
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
