I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
