Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I touched a dick in church today
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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