So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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