omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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