Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
