Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
