Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
