They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
