I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
