Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
