I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
