True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
