I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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