Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
