Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
